…is getting done today, so far.

As my former husband would say, my give-a-shit factor is down to a micro-fuckit.  Just not feelin’ the work thing.

Something’s just missing.   Make no mistake – I have a very good life.  Good job, good health, friends, hobbies.  But its a shame to have so much and not have anyone to share it with…especially since I’m not getting any younger.  Generally I’m good about not letting this get to me, but today it is.  I’m scared that I’ve forgotten what its like to be in love…

…kleine!

I took ten hours of college German ten years ago as part of the requirements for my Spanish degree.  Through a friend, I discovered Evenings at Emory, a continuing education program at Emory University that offers classes of all kinds.  In checking it out I found a German class that, from the description, sounded like something I could handle.

Well.   Of the eight or so people in the class I am easily the least advanced.  Languages are very much my thing, but I had forgotten how truly diabolical German grammar is!  I’m sure it will get easier as we go along, but in the fall…perhaps Italian!

I’ve put up with a lot.

Having my voicemail checked behind my back. Snippy case file notes and hateful emails. Having the papers on my desk gone through after I leave for the evening. Leaving staff meetings feeling like a whipped puppy. Sending the boss an email when I arrive in the morning and again when I leave.

But I’ve finally had it.

For the past three mornings, when I arrive at work, it has been quite evident that both my manager and supervisor have logged into my computer after I’ve gone for the day. Now really… what the fuck??? I cannot for the life of me get my mind around it. They have free and available access to my email, voicemail, phone activity log, internet history and probably how many times I visit the ladies’ room in any given day. What exactly is it that they expect to find there? Trade secrets?? Child porn?? I’m certainly not stupid enough to leave anything meaningful on a work computer.

So, boss, here’s a few words for ya…whatever it is you’re looking for, you’re not going to find it. If I wanted to hide something from you I’d do it, and it damn sure wouldn’t be on my desktop hard drive. And while you’re at it, find a new whipping boy, because I’m DONE.

Little things really do mean a lot.  But appreciation isn’t much of a little thing to me anymore…its enormous.  Probably because I feel so very little of it these days, largely in my work but to some extent in my personal life as well.

Can’t even begin to describe how little appreciation there is at my office, for me or any of my coworkers.  Quite the opposite.  Long hours and honest effort are met with snippy, catty email messages.  It’s never how much we’ve gotten done, its what remains.  We have one of those bosses who is quite literally never happy.

I got home tonight after a ten-hour day and after relaxing for a bit, actually felt in the mood to take care of some work.  I felt that way for about thirty seconds after opening my email, which contained two messages from on high.  They were both unnecessarily ugly and basically ended with “…or else.”

Pretty deflating stuff.  After that I didn’t want a damn thing to do with work.  There’s been so much of this in the past several months that I don’t even want to try for these people anymore…its like there’s no point in it anyway.

Boss, if you’re reading this…you catch more flies with honey than with cyanide.

I got so many kind, wonderful notes from great people about my promotion. Friends old and new, far and near. People from work, two old boyfriends from college and one from my two years in Dallas. Everyone, it seems, except the person from whom it would have meant the most.

Even though you’re not reading this, you know who you are. Not an email reply, not a phone call. Not one peep. Even after you cancelled our plans last week…

And I’m SO not calling you. I’ve grown so weary of doing all the work, all the maintaining. I can’t keep holding up 100% of my end 50% of yours…it’s not fair. That needs to change…but I don’t think it will. I’ll miss you…

My sidebar was pushed to the bottom because I had an image that was too wide.  Problem solved!

OK, my blog format has been messed up badly since yesterday, well before I changed the theme. Suggestions, anyone?? My sidebar is WAY out of whack…

FINALLY, after three and a half interminable years, countless paperwork snafus, half a dozen inept personnel specialists, two exams and one lost service record, I have been promoted!

So…now I’m Operations Specialist Third Class, U.S. Navy Reserve.

Most of you are probably familiar with “the premier relationship site.” I’ve used it off and on for several years and have admittedly met some great guys there. But lately some of the encounters there have started to annoy me…namely the content of the “closed messages” that some people use when they decide to stop communication. A few of my favorites:

• “I don’t feel the chemistry is there.” – Huh?? We’ve answered a few questions…what could you possibly know about chemistry???
• “I am pursing another relationship.” – Oh really? Then why are you still on here collecting matches Romeo??
• “I am taking a break from dating.” – Then turn off your damn matches and stop wasting other people’s time.
• “Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match.” – Ouch.
• This one is my favorite…”Other.” – Please. Grow a spine. “I want to pursue other matches at eHarmony,” is perfectly honest and decent.

So c’mon guys…be nice, but be real too…

  Wow…I’d forgotten what it was like to have a baby kitten in the house.  It’s rather like having a busy two-year old.  I introduced all of you to Reginald a couple of weeks ago, and its been a constant adventure since.

So far he’s taken a dunk in both the toilet and the bathtub, and has had several forays into the refrigerator when he catches it open.  I’ve snatched him more than once from the jaws of the dishwasher.  Basically…if his eyes are open, he’s into something!