Remember my CarFax post from last November??  I was lamenting that there should be a website where women can get the background on a man the same way they can a used car.

THE SITE EXISTS!!  Ladies, all of you should check out Don’tDateHimGirl.com.  I don’t think the site name is as good as BoyfriendReport.com, but its catchy nonetheless.  While you’re there, do a search for David Frankland.

After I created his profile, I was kind enough to send him a copy.  Some opportunities are just too damn good to pass up…

I hate writing this.

I’m not sure that the two of us continuing to “hang out,” or whatever it is that we’re doing, is in my best interests.  While I enjoy your company a great deal, it has become apparent that you occupy a larger space in my life than I do in yours.  We’re not in balance.  I’m not getting back the energy that I’ve been investing, and to some degree that’s my fault. Honestly, I haven’t been feeling very… valued, for lack of a better word, and that’s an important part of any interpersonal connection.

This isn’t a personal attack on MD, and certainly not a reflection of what kind of person I think you are.  It is what it is, as you’re fond of saying.

When a hypothetical girl writes an email to a hypothetical guy with whom she has some level of hypothetical “involvement” and asks what he’s doing for the weekend, the inference is that the girl would like to get together.  Please consider the following:

Girl:  What are you doing this weekend?
Guy:  Really busy with Chastain, the World Cup, and a couple of parties.

Is the hypothetical girl wrong in inferring, “Really busy with Chastain, the World Cup, and a couple of parties that you’re not invited to.”

Is the hypothetical girl being too sensitive, or is the hypothetical guy being just a bit mean?  Again, both male and female responses are welcomed.

Since I seem to spend every single holiday by myself, I’ve decided that I’m just not going to recognize any of them anymore.

Thanksgiving? I’ll have a spam sandwich, please. Christmas? Think of the money I’ll save. New Year’s? I don’t like green beans anyway. Valentine’s Day…now just whose bright f***ing idea was that anyway? Easter, Memorial Day…yep, spent those by myself too. That brings us right up to the Fourth of July. No fireworks for me, literally or figuratively.

I think I’ll just try to get caught up at work.

I have lots of jumbled up thoughts right now and I’m just going to put them all down as they come off my fingers.  So if it sounds jumbled up…well…sorry.

• I shouldn’t be so upset about this.  Maybe not.  But guess what? I am anyway.
• Probably should have expected this.
• You don’t ever ask me about important things going on in my life.
• My eggs keep getting closer and closer to their expiration date.  And I don’t mean the eggs in my fridge.
• Dating sucks after 30.
• You occupy a bigger space in my life than I do in yours.
• There are two other men who are obviously interested in me.  Why does that not excite me?
• Why are you not interested in me?
• Am I going to end up being one of those sad, reclusive little old ladies with a hundred cats?
• My house is a mess and I don’t give a damn.
• I haven’t had a good cry in a while.  Maybe I was due.

Yes, I know this all sounds negative and pessimistic.  Sorry.  Deal with it.

I was lucky enough to get tickets to her show that was rescheduled from March.  I had asked some dumb guy to go with me, but I was turned down in favor of a Portuguese class.  (!!)  I took my friend Mellissa instead and we had the best time!

We had dinner first at a terrific restaurant, along with a couple of martinis apiece and some long-overdue girl-talk.  (Our conclusion:  Men are funny creatures…and we don’t mean funny ha-ha.)  I’d forgotten how essential girl-talk is to a woman’s existence…

After all that it was off to the show at the Fox Theatre.  Amazing is all I can say.  If you don’t have Sheryl Crow’s new album Wildflower, run, don’t walk to the nearest Barnes & Noble and grab it up.  Definitely her best work ever, and she is even more awesome live.  If you have the chance, GO to the show…and take your best girlfriend.

Just wondering.

If anyone does happen to stop by, answer me this…

How does one tell the difference between a guy having real “technical difficulties” and being disinterested?

Both male and female responses are welcome…

The new baby has been officially christened!  Henceforth he shall be known as Reginald…Reggie for short.

The profile below landed in my recent batch of new “matches.”  Read it and you’ll see why I’m still single…

Just back from Istanbul, contact in a smoky dive, leaning casually against the cracked bartop, sipping my Perrier and water on ice, shaken not stirred, hawk eyes glancing piercingly through the gloom. Only one code word, one code word and a description, and they were identical: “LEGS.” At last my radar gaze stabbled through the thick air and found…her, could only be her, red dress slit way past there, high heels up to her calves, sitting half-off her stool four feet down the bar, staring, lips pursed, into her drink like she was… disappointed, and needed a twist of lemon in her life.

So anyway I made it back, too bad about those cufflinks I left in that thug’s cojones. Well…what can I say. Kung fu master, ballet dancer, kama sutra adept, concert pianist–that reminds me, I have to be at Carnegie next Thursday–cordon bleu chef, and…..did I mention I’m…..huge?
Not just large, but monstrous whale proportions, darling, in fact I don’t believe you could handle me, perhaps with a heavy duty pipe wrench. It’s a little dangerous, perhaps you should just slide on by, in favor of…….there, her, I think……

Help me out here folks…

I kinda feel like Bandit is more of a dog name than a kitty name.  Leave a comment with your name suggestion for the new baby!

How does Winston or Norton sound??