I ran the WHOOOLLLLE thing!

The Atlanta Track Club hosts this race every year on the last Saturday in March. This was my second year to participate. Nine hundred of us girls lined up at 8AM in the freezing cold (OK, it was 35 degrees, but still…) sporting thermal tights, gloves and earmuffs. My run went something like this:

Mile 1: Dear GOD its cold!
Mile 1.5: WOW do I ever need to pee…I should NOT have finished that bottle of gatorade.
Mile 2: OK, my legs weigh a metric ton and this SUCKS.
Mile 2.5: Another *^%$@ hill???
Mile 3: Hey, this feels goood!

All said, it was VERY fulfilling, and the t-shirt rocks. I even had my own personal cheerleader…THANKS, Matt, for getting up early on a freezing morning and standing in the cold to cheer and whistle for me. That was way cool.

So…this 5K is done. I believe I’m going to enter another next weekend and start getting serious about training for the Peachtree. After that…a half marathon??? Wish me luck!!

…and if I could find a way I’d slam the door on his grubby little fingers. I have to pay this year. PAY, people! For the first time. Ever. Dammit.

Guess that new job with the raise came with a little bit of a price…

I went to the gym last night for the first time in…well, anyway…I was at the gym.  Normally I don’t much notice the people around me, but yesterday I practically couldn’t help it…there was eye candy everywhere!!  Where have these guys been since January?  

Maybe that was the reason I was able to pound out a little more time on the treadmill than usual. (  Or perhaps it’s knowing that 5K I’m running this weekend will be pure misery if I don’t!  Wish me luck…

A good friend summed up my current situation very succinctly…

Too old to be “just getting started” in life, but not yet living the reality you pictured for yourself as an adult.

Stuck firmly in the middle. High center. A precipice, if you will…with a long way down in either direction.

Let’s see…what all do I have here?

• Job? Check.
• Car? Check. A new one, even.
• Roof over my head, food in the fridge, a little money in the bank? Got it.
• Looks? Yep.
• Smarts? That too.
• Hobbies? Several.
• Great friends? Without a doubt.
• That one special person to share it all with? OK, here we hit a wall.

I am just so incredibly ready for that to happen in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready to meet a wonderful man, have a wonderful relationship, a wonderful marriage and a family. I want it so much that it makes my nose sting.

That leads me to ask myself (or anyone else who wants to toss out an idea) why I’m hung up on someone who doesn’t feel the same, and why I seemingly sabotage the genuine efforts of men who are interested? Most would agree that it doesn’t make any sense. I’m beginning to question if anything really does.

So, how now? Do I take a break from it all, despite the loneliness I’m feeling, or do I continue trudging along, trying to date even though my heart isn’t really in it? Quite honestly neither option is particularly appealing, but they are nonetheless the ones I’m left with.

Eenie meenie miney mo…

…not to post. Today’s Quote of the Day:

“At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.”
- PG Wodehouse

Don’t think I need to write any more.

Sorry people.  That’s the only explanation I have for what I can only call a momentary lapse of reason.  (Can’t believe I just referenced a Pink Floyd album.  Damn I’m old.)  I beg forgiveness from my friends (that’s you, Bug) and coworkers for my…moodiness.  DMD III, I owe you an apology as well, even though you don’t know it.  I’m sorry guys…sometimes I just suck.

I have not, as I’m sure Mellissa would agree, had the rosiest of outlooks the past several days. I don’t think even a pair of those fabled glasses would help much at this point.

It’s hard for me to see things in a good light right now. Work has been a war zone the past month, and the stress and fear and hostility are starting to bleed over into other areas of my life. I’m more sensitive than I probably ought to be about anything and everything. My fuse is short, my heart fragile, and tears come far too easily.

The guy that threw out his batting helmet has done much to increase the fragility level. I’m starting to think that perhaps he’s thrown the damn thing AT me and it just hasn’t struck me yet. It will probably leave a pretty good bruise when it does…those things are hard. Rather like his head. Maybe his heart too.

It could be said that he’s protecting himself. Fine. Who’s protecting me, when I’m the one that’s laid it all out there, again? I am a strong woman…but taking 100% care of myself 100% of the time has become tiresome. When do I get to hop in the back seat and enjoy the ride for a while?

So much for my horoscope.

There is no unity to this post at all…hence the title.

I know its silly, stupid and irrational…but right now I feel like the only person I know that isn’t part of a couple. I’m alone, it sucks, and I hate it.

It doesn’t seem likely to change anytime soon either, given my current jaded attitude towards online dating. No one is knocking my socks off…not one person. I haven’t felt a spark for anyone in months now. I want to feel a spark. I want to have my socks knocked off. But no one is stepping up to the plate. The person that I want to step up to the plate seems to have thrown out his batting helmet.

I’m so weary of going to sleep and waking up alone. I want someone to call every day, just because they care how my day went. Someone to share the little moments of life with…like this great new car I just bought and no one has seen. I don’t care what anyone says…life is just better as part of a couple.

I read an article today about bioethics. Somewhere along the way it made a point of how much the chance of birth defects increases after a woman turns 35. I’ll be 35 in six months and there’s not even a date on my horizon, let alone marriage and children. I should probably just give up on that idea now. There’s still time for me to become the old lady with a hundred cats.

I want to get out of this house…go hike and explore at Stone Mountain or fly a kite at Piedmont Park. I want to share this beautiful day with someone besides myself.

But no one is answering their phone or returning calls…least of all the person that I wish the most would. And for reasons unknown, I’m about to cry.